‘SIRI, DIET COKE’

Five More Truly Scandalous, Totally Real Top Secret Trump Administration Group Texts

It’s past time Trump’s Cabinet lost their cellphone privileges, clearly.

opinion

In a year—well, it’s only been two months but who’s counting?!—of Trump administration doozies, this week has been a double-dooz, following two bombshell reports from The Atlantic and the magazine’s editor-in-chief, Jeffrey Goldberg, who was accidentally added to a group chat in which key members of America’s national security team planned airstrikes in Yemen. (And celebrated with emojis after the strikes played out.)

Opinion

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David Rothkopf

After those involved claimed there was no classified information disclosed, Goldberg followed up with a second feature sharing the messages in full—they included details of an impending attack, with specific timings, locations and weapons.

I’m no national security expert, but I’m pretty sure overseas attacks are like surprise parties, in that they’re a lot less successful when everyone knows ahead of time.

But I guess now’s the time to come clean: I’m actually in like 50 White House group chats. I didn’t feel like bringing it up before, but now that Goldberg has blown up my spot, I guess I might as well share the screenshots. Here are just some of my favorites, you know, aside from the ones involving 👊🇺🇸🔥 nudes.

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Did you know that Secretary of Homeland Security and future contestant on The Traitors Kristi Noem has a group chat all about dogs?

Of course there’s a safe space for Department of Transportation big-wigs:

And a Make America Healthy Again chat:

Trump definitely knows how to text, OK?

And finally, there’s ‘Vance’s Bros,’ which I’ll miss dearly now that JD won’t be allowed his phone anymore:

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