OWN GOAL

‘Ted Lasso’ Doubles Down on Its Most Infuriating Storyline

The central will-they-won’t-they of Apple TV’s biggest hit has more than overstayed its welcome.

Sam and Diane, Ross and Rachel, Pam and Jim, Nick and Jess. Every decade has a memorable sitcom will-they-won’t-they that goes through various stages of yearning, getting together, breaking up, and reuniting. It is a tried-and-tested formula that, if timed right, will have audiences cheering at significant milestones—like first kisses—as if their team has just scored.

Unfortunately, Ted Lasso fails to capitalize on its previous romantic momentum and comes up short in this department.

“I think keeping two people apart who belong together is bad,” Keeley Jones (Juno Temple) says in an earlier episode this season. She is talking to her ex, Roy Kent (Brett Goldstein), about his coaching staff quandary, but really, she is talking about them. There is no wink to the camera, but there might as well have been.

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The self-awareness suggests that this duo will rekindle their flame. However, the latest episode is testing my patience, as Roy must complete one more manufactured task to show Keeley he is ready for round two. Before Keeley will say yes, Roy must go on 10 dates with other women to prove he’s considered options beyond one-night stands with zero emotional connection.

If you are struggling to remember exactly why Roy and Keeley broke up, it might be because their split occurred off-screen between the second and third seasons. There was no memorable big fight leading to a “we were on a break” blow-up. Instead, all we are left with is a fuzzy outline of Roy’s insecurities and Keeley’s ambition causing issues.

OK, that is taking a page from the Ross and Rachel playbook, but with less conviction. That was just the beginning of a frustrating period for fans of this couple: the series (temporarily) concluded with no reunion or payoff.

In Season 4, Roy is the head coach of the AFC Richmond—though we have not seen any of the men’s team—and Keeley is the Chief Marketing Officer of the Lady Greyhounds, the new women’s soccer team. So far, Keeley is trying to stay optimistic despite the lack of resources. In her lowest moments, Roy is on hand to champion her work and reassure her that she will not fail. All signs suggest an imminent return to their previous hot and heavy status, but I have learned never to trust Ted Lasso’s plotting with this particular pair.

It turns out I was right—for now.

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The disconnect between the palpable chemistry between Temple and Goldstein and the insistence on keeping them romantically apart is all the more frustrating when the big return to Richmond doubles down on throwing up roadblocks to a reunion.

To make matters even worse, the majority of Roy’s scenes are with Keeley, an additional reminder of what has previously been in the gloriously short time in which this couple thrived. No one wants predictability, but keeping the former lovers platonic stops this duo from living up to their sizzling potential.

Any hope I had that this season would take a different approach to Roy and Keeley is quashed by another eye-roll-worthy obstacle straight out of ‘90s TV. Keeley moves the goalposts once more with a 10-date plan straight out of Aaron Sorkin’s Sports Night. That noise you just heard was me screaming at the TV at this regressive choice because surely, shows like Parks & Recreation and Brooklyn 99 have demonstrated that a sitcom can still be funny and have romantic tension without contrived, exhausting obstacles.

And while Ted Lasso episodes are, on average, twice the length of a network sitcom (to its detriment), this storyline has both feet in the Must See TV era. At least those writers had the excuse of needing to produce 22-plus episodes a year.

While Roy has had plenty of meaningless hook-ups since their split, he hasn’t dated anyone because he wants to be with Keeley. Instead of taking this as a sign that Roy knows his heart, Keely is concerned that Roy has put her on a pedestal, meaning they will be doomed to repeat their past mistakes à la Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, but without the memory-wiping technology. (Right now, I would like to undergo this procedure to wipe this entire arc.) Or at the very least, she wants him to see what other women are out there. “I want you to be sure,” Keeley says.

Thankfully, they don’t follow the Sports Night playbook of saying Roy has to date for six months before they can make it official again. But what makes this even sillier is that Keeley says the number of dates isn’t the point, illustrating how arbitrary the whole arrangement is. They settle on 10 (five is too few, 20 is too many), and Roy is eager to get started. No other rules or guidelines govern the quality of these encounters or whether the dates must be with different women.

Roy is keen to complete this pact quickly, scheduling three dates in one night at the same bar (and another the following evening). His lack of commitment to the scheme is the first sign that something is about to go awry. Of course, two of the dates accidentally overlap. After date number four, Roy ends up hooking up with the hot bartender who has been gently negging him throughout. What could have been eye-roll-inducing is amusing enough when his recurring knee injury puts an end to the storeroom quickie.

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However, it takes a turn for the even more predictable when Roy’s sister takes him to the hospital to see her specialist friend, Dr. Erin Beaumont (Laura Haddock). A TV doctor being extremely attractive is hardly a new phenomenon, yet the timing immediately sets off alarm bells about where this is headed.

You see, the thing about making an agreement like this is that Keeley hasn’t even considered what might come of these dates, because she knows how much Roy loves her, and the result is predetermined. Except, of course, she hasn’t taken into account that Roy might meet someone.

Now, the likely path is that Erin’s introduction is a meet-cute misdirect to simply make Keeley pine for Roy and realize she has made a huge mistake that will drag on for more episodes than necessary.

The longer this goes on, the more Ted Lasso fumbles. Now that is how you score an own goal.

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Emma Fraser

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