'BEEP, BEEP, BEEEEP'

‘Daily Show’ Finds Huge Problem With Mitch’s Thumbs Up

After three months away from the public eye, McConnell tried to show the press that he’s OK.

The Daily Show has exposed the fundamental flaw in Mitch McConnell’s attempt to cover up his health condition as the 84-year-old senator returned to Congress on Monday.

McConnell made his highly anticipated comeback after 92 days away from the public. His return follows months of speculation about his health after the Kentucky Republican was hospitalized in June.

Appearing frail and sporting a large bruise on his hand, the Senator’s condition continues to raise concern and questions. He was wheeled out of his home by several staff members before being taken to the Senate, flashing a thumbs-up sign to reporters from a minivan.

But The Daily Show’s rotating anchor Josh Johnson said that McConnell’s feeble thumbs-up had the opposite effect.

“It was time for McConnell to show up, lock in, and show everyone he’s feeling A-OK,” said Johnson. “Let’s go.” The show panned to TMZ footage of the senator giving a thumbs-up.

“Uh-oh, OK,” Johnson responded. “I see that he’s giving a thumbs-up, but that’s not the thumbs-up of a man who’s doing well. That is the thumbs-up of a football player on a stretcher that you’re never going to see again.”

“His thumb is saying, ‘I’m good,’ but his face is saying, ‘Beep, beep, beeeeeep,’” he continued, imitating a fading heart-rate monitor.

Johnson said the politician then appeared to get “stuck in thumbs-up,” saying that it seemed like McConnell was frozen.

“Quick, tell the Senate to vote on universal healthcare right now. He’s stuck like that. He has to vote ‘Yes!’ Republicans are going to have to flip him upside down to get a no vote,” said the comedian.

He concluded, “I’m sorry, but everything here screams puppet. Like, there’s just a guy on the floor of the SUV with a fishing line. Like, quick, y’all. I can’t open his mouth and move his thumb at the same time.”

The return of McConnell follows months of conspiracy theories, memes, and mockery, with some even claiming that McConnell was, in fact, dead. McConnell’s camp released two “proof of life” images that ultimately did little to quiet the speculation.

Reporters later said that upon his return, McConnell’s voice was noticeably “slower,” as he told them, “Time to get back to work, finish the job for this Congress.”

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Meera NavlakhaEntertainment Reporter

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