GET MY GOOD SIDE

Bill Maher Rips Pentagon Pete’s Vanity Meltdown as War Rages

The late-night host is not convinced the Secretary of Defense has his priorities straight.

With the United States now deep into a war with Iran, Americans might assume the Pentagon’s top priority is strategy.

Bill Maher ripped into Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth for the former Fox News host’s preoccupation with the cameras catching his good side. During the opening monologue of Real Time with Bill Maher on Friday night, the late-night host mocked Hegseth for reportedly scolding reporters and photographers about getting his “bad side” during briefings—even as the conflict with Iran stretches into its third week.

“Pete Hegseth wants you to know two things about our military,” Maher said, through a chuckle. He continued, “This is the new alpha-male, very masculine, non-woke military. Also, don’t get my bad side.”

Maher told his audience that Americans are far more concerned about the stakes of the conflict than how the Pentagon looks on camera.

“Americans want to know two things,” Maher joked. “What is the strategic objective? And two the sh-- I get from Amazon—does that go through the strait too?”

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The jab referenced the growing anxiety over the Strait of Hormuz, the crucial shipping lane where Iran has threatened to choke off oil traffic in retaliation for U.S. strikes. Roughly a fifth of the world’s oil passes through the narrow waterway, making it a pressure point with global economic consequences.

The comedian then turned his attention squarely to Hegseth, who Maher said appeared to be worrying about optics while managing a war.

The defense secretary is “looking a little nervous in the war room,” Maher quipped, before joking that Hegseth had limited photographers during briefings this week because some images of the secretary were “unflattering.”

The White House has pushed back on that suggestion.

Pentagon Press Secretary Kingsley Wilson told The Daily Beast in a statement on Saturday, “In order to use space in the Pentagon Briefing Room effectively, we are allowing one representative per news outlet if uncredentialed, excluding pool. Photographs from the briefings are immediately released online for the public and press to use. If that hurts the business model for certain news outlets, then they should consider applying for a Pentagon press credential.”

Maher’s segment had a different interpretation.

The late-night host contrasted what he described as the administration’s hyper-masculine political branding with its fixation on appearances.

Hegseth wasn’t the only member of President Donald Trump’s inner circle to catch heat during the monologue.

Maher described the entire administration as “the most macho administration we’ve ever had,” before delivering the punchline: “Also the gayest.”

The assessment, he explained, came from what he called the administration’s unusual focus on aesthetics during a time of crisis.

Maher pointed to the White House’s ongoing renovation plans—including Trump’s proposed ballroom project tied to the demolition of the East Wing—as evidence that the administration has been doing “a lot of redecorating.”

He also zeroed in on one of Trump’s more peculiar reported habits: sizing up other men’s shoes.

“He looks at other men and guesses their shoe size, and then he sends them a pair,” Maher said, calling the hobby “a little weird.”

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That dig referenced reports that Trump had gifted mall-brand shoes to members of his inner circle, including Secretary of State Marco Rubio.

Maher joked that Rubio looked like he was struggling to walk in them.

“They’re several sizes too big,” Maher said, calling the footwear “clown shoes.”

The broader point of the segment, however, was Maher’s contrast between the administration’s cultural theatrics and the real-world consequences of the war. The death toll has risen to more than 2,000 people, including children. At least 13 U.S. soldiers have died in the conflict.

Worldwide, oil prices have surged amid fears that Iran could follow through on threats to disrupt shipping in the Strait of Hormuz—one of the world’s most important energy corridors.

Meanwhile, the national debt has ballooned to roughly $39 trillion as the government pours over $11 million into military operations.

Maher framed the situation as a familiar geopolitical miscalculation.

“This administration seems to be caught off guard that if you attack a country, they might use their best asset for leverage,” he said.

The comedian described Iran’s threat to choke off the Strait as a classic “no s—, Sherlock” moment.

Despite the deadly, pricey, and unpredictable nature of the unauthorized and unpopular war, the Trump administration has signaled it has no intention of backing down. Trump warned that the United States could escalate by targeting Iran’s oil facilities if Tehran follows through on attempts to block shipping through the strait.

The Daily Beast has reached out to the White House for comment.

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Tamilore OshikanluContributor

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