ON YOUR KNEES

Newsom Roasts Trump Suck-Ups With a New Line of MAGA Kneepads

The California governor slammed individuals and institutions rolling over for the president.

California Gov. Gavin Newsom took a sharp jab at Donald Trump and all those who “bend the knee” to him by announcing the launch of a range of “MAGA Kneepads.”

Speaking at the California Economic Summit in Stockton on Wednesday, Newsom flagged the latest addition to the range of Trump-baiting merchandise sold on his satirical “Patriot” website.

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“You will be seeing on my Patriot site new kneepads that I’ll be sending out,” Newsom told the crowd. He said the items were intended for “all the CEOs, media companies, law firms, and universities” he accused of groveling to Trump as he took America “back to a pre-1960s world.”

He singled out the University of Virginia, the latest to reach a settlement with the Justice Department over its diversity, equity, and inclusion policies.

Later Wednesday, Newsom doubled down online. “COMING SOON — NEW KNEE PADS FOR ALL CEO’s, UNIVERSITIES, AND GOP BENDING THE KNEE TO DONALD TRUMP,” he wrote on X. “YOUR KNEES LOOK VERY SORE FROM ALL YOUR GROVELING. THEY WILL EVEN BE SIGNED BY YOUR DEAR LEADER SINCE YOU LOVE HIM SO MUCH! YOU ARE WELCOME!!!!”

The Patriot site—set up by Newsom earlier this year to lampoon Trump’s fundraising operation—already sells a range of tongue-in-cheek products targeting the GOP and its figureheads. Among them: a red trucker cap reading “NEWSOM WAS RIGHT,” and a tank top with the caption “TRUMP IS NOT HOT.” MAGA was particularly rattled when the Democrat decided to flog a $100 Bible, a nod to Trump’s ventures selling religious items to his base.

At the summit, Newsom framed the new merch as part of a broader critique of what he called corporate and institutional capitulation to Trump’s influence. He complained that the GOP leadership’s “obedience to these authoritarian tendencies may be the most disgraceful of all aspects of this moment.”

Newsom, mooted as a 2028 presidential candidate, also said Trump’s allies are at risk of not getting into heaven, something that has been on the president’s mind of late.

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“To see people in positions of power and influence do absolutely nothing when they must know better—and I believe they do… Boy, they’re going to have a lot to reconcile at the pearly gates,” Newsom said.

Trump has publicly doubted his own chances of making it past St. Peter, the celestial gatekeeper. “I mean, you know, I’m being a little cute. I don’t think there’s anything going to get me in heaven. I think I’m not maybe heaven-bound,” Trump told reporters last week on Air Force One. “I’m not sure I’m going to be able to make heaven.”

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