SUPERDUD

John Oliver Reveals How He Knows ICE Just Might Be ‘F***ed’

The late-night host thinks “The New Adventures of Superman” star Dean Cain joining ICE means one thing for the agency.

John Oliver said ICE’s newest recruit is a sign of how desperate the agency’s latest efforts really are.

President Donald J. Trump’s so-called “Big Beautiful Bill” included upward of $170 billion to hire immigration enforcers, including money to hire 10,000 more officers for Immigration and Customs Enforcement. Those new hires include ex-Superman Dean Cain, who spent the last week promoting ICE’s recruitment drive—and eventually signing up himself.

“For what it’s worth, massive rapid hiring sprees never tend to work out well,” Oliver said in his Sunday monologue for Last Week Tonight. Past efforts to bolster Border Patrol wound up hiring drug cartel members “and an actual serial killer,” he said.

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“It’s not a great sign for who ICE is appealing to that they’re currently posting gross recruitment ads like this fake minivan ad tagged, ‘Think about how many criminal illegal aliens you could fit in this bad boy!’” he added. “And they seem more than a little desperate already, as they’ve already removed age limits for hiring agents.”

Homeland Security announced Aug. 6 they had eliminated age requirements to join ICE, a day after Cain uploaded a video to X announcing he had joined the agency.

Oliver responded: “You know, there’s an old saying in Hollywood. If all you can get is Dean Cain, you are f---ed!”

“I’m not saying that ICE isn’t finding people,” Oliver added. “I’m just saying when you are reduced to pinning a badge on the 59-year-old star of The Dog Who Saved Christmas, The Dog Who Saved Christmas Vacation, The Dog Who Saved The Holidays, The Dog Who Saved Halloween, The Dog Who Saved Easter, and The Dog Who Saved Summer, maybe you are in trouble. Although, on the plus side, no need for that guy to wear a mask, because the chances of anyone recognizing him are f---ing zero.”

Oliver advised that if you’re approached by ICE agents, whether or not you’re a U.S. citizen, “Attorneys told us the only two things you should say to them are: ‘Am I free to leave?’ And ‘I want to speak to a lawyer.’ That’s it. You have the right to remain silent. And I recognize that in some cases you may be unable to help yourself from saying: ‘Didn’t you used to be Superman?’ ‘I thought you died.’ ‘I can’t believe I’m meeting a filmmaker.’ But that really is it.”

Cain clapped back on his X account afterwards, re-posting Oliver’s monologue with a crying with laugher emoji, claiming the host “stole that mask joke from the internet.”

The actor also said Oliver had “laughed hysterically when Trump said he was going to run for President. Case closed.” He also added the that his string of dog movies “were sweet, by the way!”

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Sean L. McCarthy

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