SLOPPY WORK

Jimmy Kimmel Unloads on Donald Trump’s Hand Bruise and Cankles Cover-Up

“This cover-up is even sloppier than the Epstein one,” said Kimmel.

Jimmy Kimmel thinks he knows why the social media rumors of President Trump’s death spread so easily last week: because of those major bruises repeatedly seen on Trump’s hands throughout his second presidential term, as well as the swelling around Trump’s ankles.

“He has mysterious bruising on his hand, which they tried to cover up with make-up,” Kimmel noted in his Tuesday monologue.

Kimmel showed two close-up pictures of Trump’s hand. The first showed it badly bruised, and the second showed it clumsily covered with make-up.

“This cover-up is even sloppier than the Epstein one,” Kimmel joked.

“How could anyone let him go out like this?” Kimmel said. “He had to have done that himself, right? ‘Looks great, sir. No one will notice a thing.’”

Kimmel noted, “The White House claims the reason for these bruises, and his big fat elephant ankles, is he suffers from a condition known as chronic venous insufficiency.

“Which in layman’s terms means he’s got a very small venous,” Kimmel joked. “He’s got an insufficient venous.”

HATS OFF

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Kimmel mocked Trump’s press conference Tuesday morning, in which Trump attempted to downplay concerns about his health.

“But Trump says he’s in great health and he’s never felt better,” Kimmel said. “And, despite the fact that he looks like a pumpkin that got left in a hatchback on a hundred-degree day, he is definitely not dead.”

Kimmel played a clip from the press conference where Trump was asked about the social media speculation on his death. Kimmel zoomed in on the face of Vice President JD Vance, standing behind Trump, and noted that Vance was the “only one smiling” in the room.

“Good old JD,” Kimmel said. “He hears the words ‘Trump dead,’ he lights up like a Christmas tree.”

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Kimmel offered his take on the social media rumors, arguing that Trump likely won’t be going anywhere any time soon.

“Here’s the thing: Donald Trump will never die,” Kimmel said. “Forget it. He’s like Dracula: he’s going to keep sucking the life out of us forever.”

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