SECRETARY OF BORE

Hegseth Summons Troops for Unhinged Rant Against ‘Fatties and Wimps’

The defense secretary raged against “woke” generals, “anti-American” media, and “weirdos.”

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth gathered the troops to deliver an unhinged rant against woke generals, overweight soldiers, and the “treasonous” media.

The former conservative TV personality delivered his “State of the Force” address to a room full of uniformed men and women in Quantico, Virginia.

Hegseth’s angry ramblings in front of a massive American flag came one year after he summoned generals to Quantico to yell at them. He said on Thursday that his address would be an annual event.

“We are no longer the woke department or the weak department. Simple translation of that: no fatties, no trannies, no beardos, no weirdos, no wimps, no radicals, just warriors,” Hegseth declared.

“The ideological clowns are out. The patriotic cowboys are in with testosterone testing on top,” he added moments later. “Diversity is not our strength.”

The Pentagon chief, nicknamed by service members “No Tab Pete” for never earning elite combat qualification tabs, proudly touted ousting generals.

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He bragged that those who did not embrace his last speech on the warrior ethos and “clung to the woke department” were no longer with the Defense Department.

“The number crunchers say we fired 10 percent of the generals and admirals across the course, and that number sounds about right,” Hegseth said.

He whined that the media called it a purge, but he believes it’s an accomplishment.

“You can’t change a culture with the same people who enabled it,” Hegseth complained.

Last year’s address was before a room full of top U.S. military brass assembled from around the globe; Wednesday’s was before junior officers and enlisted service members.

“Telling someone to get in shape, or shave or fix their uniform or start busting their ass—that’s not discrimination,” he rambled. “We’ve ended the poison in this culture of risk aversion, and empowered leaders at every single level to simply enforce standards.”

“No more social engineering. No more weaponized IG policies. The complainers, the ideologues, and the poor performers are no longer in the driver’s seat. No more silly PowerPoint trainings or drag queen shows,” he said.

Hegseth made sure to suck up to President Donald Trump for his “courageous and common sense leadership.” At one point, he even imitated the president.

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He also repeatedly blasted the media as “fake news” throughout his entire address and complained about the coverage of him.

At one point, he complained that the “delusional media” wasn’t writing the headlines they could.

Moments later, he blasted the “anti-American losers in our media” for the coverage of Iran.

“Our so-called press makes Iranian state media look reasonable. Our media’s shameful lust for political retribution blinds them to the consequences of reckless so-called reporting. So-called journalists juiced up on Trump derangement syndrome think they’re fighting against our president, but they’re really undermining you,” he wailed.

He went so far as to complain about the banners scrolling on TV, accused the media of hating Trump more than loving the country, and slammed what he called media “activism.”

He called it “un-American; it’s sick. It’s a national betrayal. It’s treason, actually.”

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While the defense secretary spent much of the speech airing grievances and chest-thumping about his changes to the military, he did make six announcements during the address.

The announcements included creating an “Autonomous Warfare Command” to “scale up autonomous and robotic capabilities across the joint forces” as well as an Office of Religious Affairs that would report “straight to the top.”

He also announced “Project Meridian” to study the future of warfare, led by billionaire Elon Musk, 34-year-old tech entrepreneur Palmer Luckey, and 83-year-old Newt Gingrich. None of them have ever served in the U.S. military.

The defense secretary also touted the start of “Fortress America,” which he claimed would shore up U.S. strategic reserves and bring back supply chains.

Hegseth also called on governors to start making pitches, as he wants to build a new American base.

“President Trump is a builder, and this project is about doing something bold, beautiful and world-class for the great Americans who wear our uniform,” he said. “If your state wants the honor of hosting 15 to 25,000 of America’s greatest troops, show us why and how you’re going to do it.”

He invoked the president’s many vanity projects and said the new base would “be a proud fortress of our republic, built with timeless, classical architecture.”

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