ONLY THE BEST PEOPLE

Donald Trump’s Totally Unverified but Not Utterly Impossible VP Short List

Rubio, Vance, Burgum? Snooze. Here’s six veep contenders Trump really wants.

opinion

It may be all over but the waiting.

Donald Trump’s announcement that his nominee for vice president could be in attendance at Thursday’s presidential debate has done just what Trump hoped it would do: create a frenzied guessing game to distract from his recent (and future) gaffes. Early in the week, much of the media attention surrounding the candidate had centered on age and memory loss concerns. Now that Trump has floated the idea of unveiling his VP pick on Thursday, political pundits have shifted their focus.

Whatever the reason, Trump’s timetable has clearly been sped up.

opinion

ON WITH THE SHOW

We Know the Debate Is Total Bullshit, but We’ll Watch Anyway

Michael Ian Black

Only a week ago, he’d indicated that he would go public with his pick during July’s Republican National Convention in Milwaukee. The last candidate to do that was George H.W. Bush, who announced his selection of Dan Quayle on the second-to-last day of the Republican National Convention in 1988. That pick was widely considered to be a disaster, but Trump seemed undeterred or perhaps unaware of the poor precedent, telling a Milwaukee TV station that, “there’s a pretty good chance” he’d announce his VP during the actual convention.

At the moment, the most likely choice will be one of three men: Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL), Sen. J.D. Vance (R-OH), or Gov. Doug Burgum (R-ND). While the political world continues to believe it’s down to those three, no one really knows for sure.

But, according to entirely unconfirmed and not-exactly-widespread rumors, Trump has discussed six names as part of his unofficial short list that might shock us all.

They include:

Ben Carson or “That guy I met that time”

According to The New York Times, Trump “has been intrigued by the idea of adding a Black man to his presidential ticket,” but seems less concerned about who that person might be. Trump currently is said to be torn between former HUD Secretary Carson or an unspecified Black man that Trump told associates he thinks works at Mar-A-Lago.

Pros: Could help change Trump’s reputation for bigotry and intolerance.

Cons: Carson has said that he would “prayerfully consider” accepting the VP nomination. Presumably, however, God would counsel against taking the job.

Rudy Giuliani

The man once known as “America’s Mayor” has always shown the same devotion Renfield long displayed towards Dracula. Hizzoner would no doubt be ready and eager to stand by Trump once again.

Pros: Will work for food. Plus, Giuliani may be the only man in America who makes Trump’s combover look good.

Cons: Will work for food. Plus, Giuliani may be the only man in America who makes Trump’s combover look good.

Bonus: Sources close to Trump say that in the event of his being nominated, Rudy has already agreed that his deluxe accommodations will be any available Four Seasons Gardening Center.

I SWEAR I’M NOT RACIST

Don’t Worry—Trump Isn’t Racist, He Has Black Friends

Owen Lavine

Frederick Douglass

It’s hard to believe that it was more than seven years ago when then-President Trump hailed the famed 19th century abolitionist as “an example of somebody who’s done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more.” Never one to admit when he’s wrong, Trump is said to be intrigued by the idea of nominating Douglass.

Pros: Literally could not turn the job down, having died in 1895.

Cons: Much of Trump’s base is unsold on the idea that there were “some very fine people on both sides” of the Civil War, and would prefer that Trump nominate Jefferson Davis.

Steve Bannon

The man who first believed that Trump could, in fact, be president. Bannon and Trump have been on-again/off-again for some time but at the moment, at least, they’re on enough to make Bannon a VP contender.

Pros: Long-term strategic thinker, though much of his thinking has centered around how to be perceived as being strategic.

Cons: Is an actual con who begins his sentence in a federal prison in Danbury, Connecticut, this July. As a felon himself, Trump is untroubled by the thought of working with a convict, but sadly for Bannon, Connecticut is a reliably blue state. It’s unlikely he’d be able to swing it into the Trump column, even while living there for four to six months with time off for good behavior.

Mike Pence

Trump loves politicians who publicly denounce him as a power-hungry sociopath only to come crawling back (see: the entire Republican Party).

Pros: Getting Pence back in Trump’s fold would be the ultimate alpha move.

Cons: Would have to be physically shielded from all Trump voters at all times.

opinion

C’MON, MAN

Biden’s Aging Is Treated Much More Harshly Than Reagan’s Was

Eleanor Clift

Hannibal Lecter

A long-time Trump favorite.

Pros: High voter recognition numbers. Polls well among the MAGA base who feel Lecter is “strong” and “commanding.”

Cons: None known.

Of course, no one knows what’s in Trump’s mind but Trump himself. And remember, the Constitution only requires that the nominee be over 35 years old, a natural-born citizen, a resident of the U.S. for at least 14 years, and please-please-please to have never shot a puppy and then bragged about it in a memoir.

See more of our coverage in your search results.

ADD THE DAILY BEAST ON GOOGLE

Claude Knobler

Anthony L. FisherEditor

Got a tip? Send it to The Daily Beast here.